You find yourself having a wonderful conversation with your friends, and all of a sudden a friend of yours who happens to be of a different sexual orientation walks in, and you call him or her something some might deem offensive. Now, you probably didn’t mean anything by it, but there’s no reason to be saying things like that. Whether or not the person being harassed takes offense to the comments right then and there is completely irrelevant, what matters is that the action, by being negative in nature, hurts everyone involved.

The next step after acknowledging that name-calling could be detrimental to society is to identify what name-calling really is. On very general terms, it means using any term with a negative connotation to either address, discuss, or describe another person. However, the argument here is not so much whether a specific term is offensive, but when and why that word could be acceptable. Some argue that it is probably fine to use distasteful terms with friends, so long as both sides understand that no harm is meant, of course. But this is a flawed excuse. Sometimes, things can start out as jokes, but being constantly called a particular name has an effect on a person. It may take a long time for that minor discomfort to grow into something else, but the burgeoning disgust is there.

It’s also important to remember that name-calling can quickly get out of hand. A person might start saying a particularly offensive word around his friends, and everything will be fine, but what happens when it becomes a habit? I’m sure there are those out there—we do live in a community—that might be uncomfortable or distrustful of someone who gets such joy out of angering and provoking others, albeit involuntarily.

Then again, maybe name calling is strictly a high school phase that we all grow out of. Think again, Jack. Anyone who has ever watched any television show—even reputable ones like the news or political debates—knows that adults are far from impervious to such horrendous language. It’s not nearly as bad when pundits like Ann Coulter or Don Imus call others names—they get paid to do that, after all—but when leading politicians find themselves doing it, it’s nothing short of depressing.

Take it one step further and the real danger of name-calling becomes evident. If we as a society make it a habit to crudely point out the differences between us—and that is what most of these names do—then we are only encouraging further injustice. This is not an argument between overly sensitive, politically correct people against freedom of speech rebels who want to get away with using derogatory terms, but a question of whether, in this day and age, decency even matters anymore.

Most people would agree that at least certain forms of name calling are offensive. A psychoanalyst could give us a terrible amount of insight into why people choose to call each other names, but the bottom line is this: using derogatory terms to communicate with one another—whether they be sexual, racist, or just plain childish—does nothing to encourage positive discourse, and only creates walls between people that become increasingly difficult to break down over time. Those who deem such practices harmless needn’t look further than countless race riots, school shootings, and subtler but just as dreadful divisions between people.