Since the dawn of time, our world has gone through continuous change but one fact has remained fundamentally the same: men are masculine; women are feminine. In more recent years that stead-fast principle has been rendered obsolete.

Even in past societies where homosexuality was practiced in relative openness, people maintained the uniform of their respective sexes despite their sexual orientation.

Up until about 50 years ago, it was still social taboo for women to wear pants. It’s astounding how far we’ve come in 50 years! (Thanks in great part to the feminist movements of the 1960’s). That’s right, women can now wear pants void of the fear of repercussion. Could there be anything more liberating than the right to vote and wear pants? I submit that there is not.

But with new-found freedom for a specific group comes jealous crybabies seeking “equality”. It was only a matter of time before men started seeking liberation of their own. These parasitic heathens have been dubbed “metrosexuals”. They are in essence, heterosexual men who indulge in “feminine luxuries”. (Feminine luxuries being excessive use of personal hygiene products and overall vanity).

I have no problem with men who have good hygiene habits but enough is enough. I’m sick of going to out and being hit on by guys prettier than me. (Which isn’t to imply that I’m pretty, merely that that male narcissism has crossed the line of being overly handsome, and has ventured into the realm of “pretty”).

What happened to the good old days when a man looked and smelled like a man instead of some pre-pubescent boy band reject? The beauty and appeal of men is that they aren’t obsessed with their appearance. If I wanted to wait around for three hours while my date put on moisturizer and perfected his hairdo, I’d date women.

As a matter of fact, I hate waiting around for people. The less time a guy spends in front of the mirror the better. I actually would prefer it if a guy didn’t even have a mirror in his room. Mirrors are distracting and in my experience often lead to major complexes over minor flaws. It’s bad enough when a girl has a complex about her appearance, but when a testosterone-driven guy has one it’s too much to bear.

Another thing I’ve observed of these “metrosexuals” is their tendency to have grossly-inflated egos. (This point I will touch upon only briefly because the mere thought of egos brings me half to tears). The money these guys spend on their appearance makes them feel superior to those who opt to spend their money on less frivolous things. If that offended you in any way, go get your moisturizing gloves and vent to your stylist about it at the salon.

Probably one of the biggest factors for my disdain towards “metrosexuals” is that it’s false advertising. When I see an immaculate man with well groomed facial hair and hands I submit to stereotypes and I think that I’ve found the perfect shopping companion. In reality “metrosexuals” turn out to be high-maintenance narcissists lacking personalities and respect for women’s personal space.

If you are a “metrosexual”, I apologize. But in my book, “metrosexuals” are the equivalent of female body builders in most guy’s minds. I admit it, I suffer from an inferiority complex and could not mentally cope with dating a guy prettier than myself. So, until shock therapy cures me of my debilitating complex, I’ll stick to men who don’t know what conditioner is for and have never set foot inside a salon.